he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
