just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Randomize
