I hate your face
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
