I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
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