You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Randomize
