she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Randomize
