Do you still have your period?
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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