We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
he just fucked me for my cheese.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Randomize
