It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
