I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
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