my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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