I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
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