That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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