just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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