I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
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