my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Randomize
