I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Randomize
