Buhtt sex?
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
