If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize
