is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
