Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
