i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
I am spending my child support on dildos
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
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