you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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