Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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