I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
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