i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
