naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Randomize
