I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
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