is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
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