How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
FUCK WHALES
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
