I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
