just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
