some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
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