Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Randomize
