your parents love me but you hate me
I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
