Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
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