so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Randomize
