If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
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