My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
a search helicopter?!
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Randomize
