ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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