You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
