so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
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