so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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