Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Randomize
