i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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