Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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