tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Randomize
