i'm signing you up for texting rehab
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
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