you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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