Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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